Thank You

I have been absolutely dreading doing this post, but I know eventually I would have to write something to explain what is going on in our lives. A week ago today Brandon and I found out that we lost our sweet little angel, Aidan. I went in for a doctor's visit and they found that his little heart had stopped. They do not know why and it is actually quite rare for him being 23 weeks along, but I have to realize that God has a higher plan that we don't understand.

Since then it feels like my heart has stopped. I feel like it is broken in a million pieces and I can't put it back together. It is amazing the love a mother can have for an unborn child. The love I feel for Aidan is stronger than anything I can explain through words. He truly is our little angel.

At this time I am so thankful for the gospel in our lives. The power of prayer has been absolutely amazing. Although the pain has yet to go away, the peace Brandon and I have felt is a peace that only comes from God. We know that we are getting through every hour of this trial only because of all the prayers that have been said in our behalf and we want to thank you for them.

On Saturday we went in for the induction. I was so so afraid for this part. I was afraid to see my baby and have to let him go. I would almost panic every time I thought of doing so. This experience was the exact opposite of what I thought it would be. I have never been so calm and at peace in my life.This feeling of peace is absolutely indescribable. Right now I am at a loss of words trying to explain how Brandon and I felt. The Lord was truly at our side and we feel like our little angel was there comforting us as well. He was absolutely the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I have already shared this poem with a lot of you but for the rest of you that haven't read it I want to share it. A friend shared this with me who has gone through this same experience and it touched me and has comforted me.

Mommy I'm Here

Mommy I know this day wasn't what you had planned,
But I'm right here beside you, holding your hand.
My spirit has already gone, there's so much work to do,
But our Father let me come today so i could comfort you.
I know you and Daddy love me, and it's hard to see me go,
But that is why we're sent to earth, so we can learn and grow.
I wish I could stay with you here and play with my brother too,
But for now I'll have to wait until your missions are though.
I'll be near when you need me to wipe away your tears,
to hold you tight and kiss your cheeks and chase away your fears.
And on the day our Father calls you to come home
I'll be right there to get you, you'll never be alone.

-Deanne Taylor

I truly felt like we were not alone through this experience and I know that our little Aidan has a higher purpose with our Heavenly Father. Although at times I feel bitter and angry I pray everyday for an understanding and peace.

So this is what has happened this last week. We go in next Thursday to try to get some answers and test results. The physicians ordered a lot of labs on me and on Aidan. They did an autopsy on him as well as some chromosomal studies. They are also studying the placenta which I guess the lady that does this is one of the best in the world. I'm not so worried as to what happened to Aidan as I am about preventing it from happening again. I know that he has a higher purpose at this time.

I just want to thank everyone again for the never ending love, support, and prayers. We have truly been blessed with the best family and friends anyone could ask for. I am thankful for a health-care team that has been absolutely phenomenal. I had nurses that truly comforted me beyond anything that is imaginable. I can only aspire to be a nurse like them. My eyes have been opened to the suffering that many families face and trials that are beyond anything that I have faced. I can only be grateful for the lessons I have learned and pray for those who have it much harder. Thank you again for the love and support.