Friday, December 19, 2008

Test Results

To say these past 2 months have been a roller coaster is an understatement. Brandon and I have gone through some hard times and I joke around and say we will be happy to have a break for a month or 2. Last week after a month of waiting we went back to the doctor's office to get the results of any findings of the cause of the miscarriage. The doctor told me they had discovered that I had several blood clots in my placenta. I think it was pretty obvious that this was the cause because they opted not to do the autopsy. This news was so bittersweet. When they told me, at first I was relieved. As far as they know he was healthy, he just was not getting the blood he needed. Then I got home and I lost it. First I just missed him like crazy. Then I got thinking. I felt awful that I had this perfect baby (as far as we knew) but that I did not provide for him. He wasn't getting what he needed from me. I was not really blaming myself but at the same time it just hurt. It was my body that was the problem not his. Then I couldn't help wonder if he suffered.

After discovering this they ran a number of tests on me. I called the office yesterday and the physician said after studying the labs they have concluded that I have something called Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome. The physician did not go into too many details on the phone and I will meet with my doctors when I return to NY but I have researched this a little bit. I have to say again the results were bittersweet. It's good because we can hopefully treat it, but at the same time it scares me to death because every subsequent pregnancy will be a high risk pregnancy. So anyways what i have discovered is that my blood contains antibodies against specific types of phospholipids. This causes tiny clots in my blood that increases the tendency toward blood clots. So one article I read said if untreated infant loss may exceed 90%. The article said if treated the losses can be reduced to 25%. Still quite a bit higher than I would like but so much better, and who knows. This was one article. Wow!! I was so glad they decided to run tests. At first the physicians said that they usually do not run tests unless a women has subsequent miscarriages. I am so grateful they did this.

I am happy to say my doctor okayed us to start trying again if when we are ready . She advised me to start taking baby aspirin daily and when I get a positive pregnancy test I will give myself Heparin or Lovenox shots daily. When I get back I will be a busy girl. I have to meet back at this high risk OB clinic for further instruction and testing. I have to meet with a GI specialist to follow up on the Celiac Disease and then eventually I will meet with a Rheumatologist to discuss this blood disorder. Kind of crazy everything I have learned about myself from this pregnancy. I thought I was a pretty healthy girl 3 months ago. Hmmm, I've learned a lot about myself. I joke around with my parents and tell them that their genes together are not a good match, or at least I've ended up with some of the bad genes. Anyways, hopefully this was not too boring but kind of the center of what has been going on in our lives. It is so good to be home in Idaho. Brandon is coming tonight and so relieved to be done with his 1st semester of medical school. He called me today after his last final and was just ecstatic. It felt so good for him to be done. I am so proud of what he has accomplished. He spent many of hours with me in the hospital and many hours holding and comforting me when I cried. He was so strong for me when deep down inside I know his heart ached for his son and his wife and I know he was fearful for getting so far behind in school. I love him so much and finally get to spend time with him over the break. YAY!!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Christmas in New York!

I have been looking forward to Christmas in New York since we moved here and it is absolutely all it's cracked up to be! It is so beautiful here and we have been so fortunate to share this time with family. Sarah and Sterling were here last week and my brother and his girlfriend are coming next week. I think it was kind of a small miracle that both Brandon's brother and my brother chose to come a month after I miscarried. Family was exactly what we needed. The love and support has been amazing and I needed Sterling here to drag me around the city to get things off my mind and bring my spirits up. Although I had a few small melt downs while Sterling and Sarah were here (thanks Sarah and Ster for dealing with me) I would have to say Brandon and I are doing exceptionally better than I had anticipated and things only get better each day. We are definitely full of hope.

So I realize I didn't take too many pictures because I figured Sterling would, and Sarah will probably post some of the amazing photos he took, but here are some of the sub par photos Brandon and I took.

Here is us on the boat ride over to the Statue of Liberty
Group photo that we were hoping to have the Statue of Liberty in, but no complaints at least someone was willing to take the picture in the first place.
Brandon, Sarah, and Sterling chose to go to the Macy's Day Parade. I on the other hand was home in bed. I'm the party pooper of the family. My excuse was that I was too tired from the nonstop day before, which was absolutely true.
Thanksgiving dinner with family, friends, and the sister missionaries. First time cooking dinner. Sarah and I made homemade stuffing and yams. I have to say for first timers, dinner was a hit.

This was at the Bronx zoo. This was me the whole time except when I was freaking out over the cute animals. Brandon was in class and being the nice wife I am I had to make sure he wasn't missing out. I was sending him texts and pictures the whole time. Pretty sure he was sick of me and ignoring me on purpose.
Okay so this is a chubby Kangaroo. I loved him so much. I kept telling Sarah I have a hard time at zoos because we can only look and I just wanted to hold all the animals. She thought I was crazy.

So I realize now I wrote about how perfect Christmas in NY is and didn't take any pictures of it. I'll try to get some when my brother comes next week. Hope everyone is having a great holiday season!